Thursday, December 20, 2012

somehow, i thought

I thought it would all happen more quickly than this. I thought if I had no complications, then I would just heal.

I thought that "three days in the hospital and two weeks puttering at home" meant that by the start of the third week I would be running errands, writing, going for walks and yoga and that I would be putting this behind me.

It's not happening that way.

I am healing.

I'm just not very patient.

My head still hurts. Sometimes a lot.

I am more tired than I could have imagined.

I still feel stoned, even when I have taken nothing for the pain. My brain is just not working properly.

And my fingers don't seem to want to type what my brain tells them.

It has been three weeks since my surgery and it really doesn't feel like it was very long ago at all.

Except that I'm less patient now.

Which is probably a sign that I'm healing.

I'll get there. Of course I will.

Today, I just wish it were easier.


Catherine (Facing Cancer Together) said...

I hope for you that in a month from now you can look back on this post with a sigh of relief. Something like, 'thank goodness it's gotten easier'.

Until, the impatience is totally understandable.

sassymonkey said...

I totally understand the impatience. I'm sorry that you are not healing as quickly as you'd like.

Lene said...

so... you had massive surgery on YOUR BRAIN and thought it'd only take three weeks to heal? Either you're the most optimistic person I've ever met or your doctors did a crap job of managing your expectations.

Don't know if this will help, but when we talked the other day, you sounded completely like yourself. Great focus, nimble mind.

Remember that your body is upset. The doctors were very mean to it. It needs more time. In my experience, it takes 6-8 weeks to get back to normal. Patience, darling.

deb said...

Laurie, You are like me-an impatient patient. Time will pass and suddenly you will be doing what you want without a second thought. Hoping that day comes sooner.
I always think I can do right away. Sometimes I can-usually it takes longer than i think to get back to normal.

laurie said...

You are all very wise and help me so much. Thank you for answering why I post so honestly.

Anonymous said...

I can't say anything you don't already know -- yes, healing takes time! And you've got loads of people rooting (sp?) for you.

I found "I've had brain surgery, what's your excuse" by Suzy Becker very funny and helpful (in that "oh good, I'm not the only one!" kind of way).

Good luck with it all!! (And, if you're doing any seasonal celebrating, enjoy!)


Karlien said...

Hang in there Laurie!

Anonymous said...

Dear Laurie, shit shit shit....this sucks so much... but you are such an inspiration: keep writing, your humour, honesty, generosity in sharing your thoughts and feelings with us are so important. Sending big hugs your way.
Sylvie from Montreal said...

Yes, I often think if only we could speed up the process and jump from wherever we are to ... healed!


Dear Laurie,
I´m so glad you´re back, you´re healing and you´ll be healed.
Un abrazo.

laurie said...

Thank you all. I do feel buoyed by all the love and support I've received. xo