Tuesday, April 10, 2012

i've been a bad friend

I've been brooding a little bit lately over all the ways I have been a bad friend since my breast cancer diagnosis.

I know I have and can still be a good friend much of the time but I've been thinking of how good people have been to me and I feel like I've fallen short in the reciprocation department.

I'm not being too hard on myself for cocooning during the worst of treatment. But there have been lots of good weeks during remission. I have missed so many important events in friends' lives - the births of children, loss of loved ones and serious illness. And now I don't know how to make up for that.

Friends, acquaintances and co-workers have sent me on trips, bought me presents and food, taken me out and sent me beautiful messages of support. I've been better lately at being the kind of person who does these things for others but I think, for longer than I cared to admit, I was too busy staring into my own navel - at least some of the time.

I'm in a pretty good space these days. Today, however, I am especially aware of regret.

9 comments:

jacqueline said...

hmmm, you're pretty much describing the contemporary/distracted/busy non-cancer-having-person, seems to me. perhaps you were simply embracing a sense of "normalcy". please don't be so hard on yourself. but if making up for this regret is on your plate, you'll make it right. xo

Throws Like A Girl said...

You're not alone, for sure.

Andrea said...

I have a big long list of people to whom I owe a Thank You note, but I don't see myself sitting and getting it done anytime soon. I am not sure why. Like your post on friends who are OK with kids coming over in PJ's for dinner, the real friends do not expect a return on their generosity. Maybe we should just be thankful for what we have been given and let the guilt go. I am sure none of the friends wanted us to have guilt.

laurie said...

wow. thanks you guys. you have each said exactly what i needed to hear.

Ken Craft said...

I'm not sure I know what it means to be a good friend. Friendship doesn't come with a manual. My relationships with people are as diverse as the people I know. All I can say is you've been a great friend over the years Laurie and I look forward to our friendship growing as we do.

laurie said...

thanks, Ken.

orit said...

I cried when I read this, we mourn our old giving loving selves, but it's important to remember that everyone is just so happy that we're still here, in whatever form we can muster on a particular day.

laurie said...

Orit: xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

i've just had my left boob and 11 nodes out and feel like a car wreck. i can't do the going out thing yet and know how you feel about missing things and people