Friday, March 02, 2007

words to live by

Sometimes, the fear and sadness really do come from out of nowhere. Yesterday, I was sitting and knitting, waiting for my boys to finish swimming lessons. As I looked up to see my youngest running towards me, the thought hit me, "I won't be around when he starts high school."

The thought quite literally knocked the wind out of me. I pushed it away and we went on with our evening. The sadness did linger, though.

Then today, as I unpacked my bag of goodies from Monday's belated birthday dinner, I pulled out, among many other lovely things, a mug with the following on it:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away." (anonymous)

That pretty much sums up my approach to life these days. I have a friend who often refers to "living on borrowed time." We all live on borrowed time. What matters is making that time count.

I'm trying to do that.

The same wonderful women who gave me the mug gave me a card that says, "Between me and insanity stand my friends."

Amen to that.

I may outlive the doctor's predictions and I am doing what I can to make that happen. But I am also trying to enjoy the present and to savour those moments that take my breath away.


pocketina said...

I'm over here in NJ applauding you. That was an amazing post. Both quotes are going with me, from here on out.

Kim said...

You know, none of us are promised tomorrow, not even those of us who are perfectly healthy, so we should all live each day as our last and make it count for all it's worth. You're doing that and we could all take some lessons from you. Enjoy your trip and many, many breath taking moments.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, I so know how you feel. I don't post here much, but I often wonder if I will see my kids grow up-see their Bat Mitzvahs-you know the routines...Yes I inhale every moment I the point of fatigue (and my husband's dismay). I know I am not in treatment-and I am NED, but fear is always in the back of my mind. Much love-and YES you just might see those precious kids grow up...Many women with METs live for many years....Why not YOU?

Sending love and hugs,


Maria said...

I have a son w/a serious heart defect. He's thriving - but he had a rocky start and we don't know what the future holds. I know our situations are totally different. But at the same time - very often you articulate a lot of things that are spot on. There are so many times I watch Gibson and the denial shield falls and I have an aha pain in the pit of my stomach. Maybe what we share is the realization that we can't take any of these moments for granted and must savor everything we can. Thank you for sharing.

Cynthia Samuels said...

Oh my. We're in the midst of sitting shiva (mourning for a week) for my husband's father. I guess I am particularly vulnerable to such thoughts but I came close to weeping reading your brave and loving post. I can tell by what you said that every moment that your children have with you is worth millions in what the biz people call "return on investment." All my prayers and hopes are with you. Cindy

Ghada all from Egypt said...

Thank you for your blog, I was looking for something to make me feel better or give me hope. I just found out that my grandma (she is in her late 60s) has secondary liver cancer, caused from her breast cancer. The quote you used and the way your dealing with cancer, gives me hope. I wish you all the best and thank you for your blog, I can now finally go to sleep :)

kalen said...

as always, you're constantly offering a reminder to me that life is short and to appreciate what i have.

you're an inspiration.