housekeeping

I'm going to be offline all this week, so I schedule this post to fill you in on a couple of things.

You can now subscribe to this blog. Quite a few people have asked me about it and it actually just took a few minutes to set up. If you want to get my posts via email, look over at the right hand column on this page. Just under the "about me" section  is a little box in which you can enter your email address. If you do that, you'll be notified every time I write a new post. If you go that route, let me know if it works for you.

I recently found out that Not Done Yet is available as an ebook from a few different sources.

Amazon Kindle 
US
Canada
UK

Kobo

Nook

I also have a few copies in my attic, if you like old-fashioned paper. I bought them at the author's discount, which I'd be happy to pass along to you. I'll even sign your copy and write a personal message. The cost of a real honest-to-goodness paper book is $20.00, plus whatever it costs me to ship it to you. That's a break even deal for me but I'd like to see the last few copies get out into the world. Click on the image on the top, right hand side of this page to send me an email or leave me a message in the comments.

I'll be back next week!

ebook!

Not Done Yet is now available as an ebook on Kobo (other e-retailers to follow). 

I still have lots of hard copies to sell but this is cheaper for you and no shipping!

have you read "Not Done Yet"?

Have you read this book yet?

I think I have all the remaining copies of Not Done Yet : Living Through Breast Cancer in my attic. I'm selling them for $25 (tax included) plus shipping. 

I'm told it's a pretty good book. You should read it. Or give it to someone you love.

on finding my Thing

I had a breakthrough moment a few weeks ago. I've written quite a few posts over the last few years about the loss of identity I experienced as a result of having to leave the full-time work force. Letting go of my identity as a long-hour-working-communications-research-professional-activist-labour-staffer was really hard.

Since going into remission (and no longer feeling that fighting for my life was my main job) I've done an awful lot of navel gazing and spent a lot of hours in therapy trying to figure out who I am, since I no longer define myself by The Job.

Sacha, my perceptive and thoughtful son sent me a link to a wonderful article and inspiring article by Jesse Thorn. His instincts were right- I've been looking for my Thing.

I think I've been putting too much weight on each new idea, though. Every potential project would need to give me a new identity - provide the answer for when someone asks "What do you do?" 

But the truth is that no project can fulfill all of anyone's needs. And I was scaring myself off of trying new stuff because I was afraid that it wouldn't work out and that I'd be searching all over again. 

My "aha!" moment came with what should have been a pretty straightforward realization. I'm not looking to redefine myself. Overall, I'm pretty happy with who I am. What I want is to feel fulfilled, purposeful and happy.

I will never be able to define myself with just one word. I am a mother, wife, friend, writer, lover of dogs and books, social observer, activist in and out of the armchair and, occasionally, an opinionated bitch.

My Thing doesn't have to be my everything. I just need to figure out the things I love to do and allow myself the time to do them. I need to be brave and take risks but if today's Thing doesn't work out in the long run, that's OK too.

I may never have a few short words with which I can define myself at cocktail parties but I hardly every go to those anyway. Life isn't about creating an identity that others can understand and judge. Life is about living in the best way that I possibly can.

and the winner is...

Nancy from Nancy's Point! I'll be sending her a copy of Not Done Yet early next week.


Thanks so much to everyone who entered.


I'm hoping to have an ebook version of my book out soon. This will make it so much easier to send out (and no more shipping costs!)

not done yet: a giveaway

I'm feeling completely uninspired on the  blogging front, so I've decided to run my first ever contest. 


Would you like to win a copy of my book, Not Done Yet: Living Through Breast Cancer? To enter, just tell me why you'd like to have the book (it can be serious or funny) in the comments section and I'll pick a winner at random, on Friday, January 27th. Contest closes Thursday, January 26th at midnight.


There are only a few unsold copies left, so get one while you can.


In other news, I'm reliably informed that my publisher is planning on re-releasing Not Done Yet as an ebook. No more shipping costs!

blowing my own horn

Tomorrow, I will have a featured post on BlogHer.

Also, Judy from Just Enjoy Him (and Mothers With Cancer) really liked my book. And she said some very nice things about it. Since I am in awe of Judy, this meant a whole lot to me.

A little praise goes a long way for this girl. I feel like writing more now.

giving in to the monkey brain

Herceptin

I think I'm happy with the outcome of the brouhaha over Herceptin in Ontario. For those of you outside the province or outside the loop. Jill Anzarut, a 35 year old woman undergoing treatment for breast cancer made the news last week when she announced that the province had to pay for Herceptin because her Her2+ tumour was less than one centimetre (that's about 1/4 inch) in diameter.

The province initially refused to budge but eventually caved after a massive campaign played out in the social and traditional media. Access to Herceptin will now much more room for discretion when it comes to providing access to the drug.

I feel good about this. It's not that I think that every drug should be funded for every person. Her2+ cancers are very aggressive and, as best put by Stephen Chia, chair of the British Columbia breast-tumour group, “In HER-2 positive cancers, it’s not the size that drives it; it’s the HER-2 gene that drives it.” 

Election

Canadians are once again going to the polls. I am not happy about this. 

I'm sad that the long overdue Bill C-389 protecting the rights of transgendered people will die before it gets the chance to be thrown out by the Senate.

I'm worried that we will end up with a Conservative majority.

I have election fatigue. There was a time in my life when an election would make me feel excited and hopeful. Now I just think, "Ugh."

Presents in the mail

Did you see my scrabble pendant in yesterday's post? My friend Leslie sent it to me after I told her I'd like to have on with my initial on it. It made me very happy to open the envelope that held my surprise.

The bad with the good

Last week, I received my author's copy of the current issue of Canadian Woman Studies. The theme this quarter is Women and Cancer and I have a poem that is part of a piece called "Seven Reflections on Breast Cancer by Seven Women Who Worked Together." I'm happy about that.

I'm far less happy about another piece I stumbled on when I was leafing through the issue. It's called "The Private/Public Split in Breast Cancer Memoirs." It was written by a woman who came to my book launch in Toronto and asked for permission to speak in order to seek contributions - something to which I readily agreed. She also asked me to contribute to the issue, which prompted me to reach out to my writing group.

I had no idea that she planned to write a scathing deconstruction of my book - but that's what she did. I know that all writers get bad reviews but I found her comments to be very critical of me as a person (I guess you can't seperate the analysis of a memoir from its author) and quite unfair. 

I'm sure how to respond or react, or whether I should do so at all. I've actually been unable to finish reading the article. With a distinct lack of maturity, I threw the journal onto the living room floor and it stayed there for several days. I only just picked it up, in order to write this post.

I'll let you know what I decide to do. Meanwhile, I'm pasting my very own contribution below. It's a very small part of a greater whole (and not the strongest piece by the seven of us by any stretch) but it's mine and, like all my writing, expresses a little bit of what has been in my heart.

Snap shots

December 2^nd, 2005.

When I close my eyes, I see myself as I was then.

Short dark hair and boots with heels.

Irritable and excited in equal measure.

I knew big change was coming. And it did. But it was not what I expected.

I was getting undressed when I found the lump.

July 1^st, 2006

I close my eyes and see myself as I was then.

Round, bald and bloated. But happy.

Chemo is behind me. Or so I expect.

I am self-conscious but also hungry.

I eat two burgers at the barbecue.

December 24^th, 2006

I close my eyes and see myself as I was.

I rallied for Christmas Eve but in the end the pain got the best of me.

My liver was riddled with tumours. And I had waited too long for the morphine.

My mother had to put me to bed. That comforted me.

And so did the drugs.

June 25^th, 2007

I close my eyes and I can taste

The strawberries on my tongue

The sensual pleasure of the whipped cream

And the Niagara ice wine as it slid down my throat.

I knew I would soon have something to celebrate.

December 16^th, 2009

I close my eyes so I can think.

I have now been in remission for 30 months.

And I will be in treatment for the rest of my life.

Some days I wake up celebrating.

Some days I grieve for what I have lost.

Today is a sad day.

Tomorrow will be better. Or maybe the day after that.

why i love twitter

People often ask what it is I love about Twitter. I tell them how useful it is to get advice and share information - about resources, local business, good things to read, etc. I also love the quick exchanges of ideas, the wit and the humour.

Twitter is fun.

And last week, I found a new reason to love Twitter. Trading. Check out the two exchanges below in which I gained a Canada Reads book from the author and the best quiche that I've ever eaten. Read each conversation from the bottom up (sorry it's so small and blurry - click on each image to make it larger and much easier to read).

Postcript: When I couldn't figure out how to capture and embed Twitter conversations, I turned to Twitter for help. I got several great responses and, in the end a friend who I met via LibraryThing and got to know on Twitter, actually the capturing forming and sent it to me as an email.

The blurriness is my fault but it's thanks to her I got it done.

I love social media.

this is kind of nice

TopOnlineColleges.com as included Not Just About Cancer in their list of "15 Inspiring Breast Cancer Blogs."

Get inspired by this breast cancer survivor, who turned her unfortunate situation into a book about defying the odds and beating cancer.

Pretty cool, no? It's nice to know that someone's reading and finding resonance in my words. As for the "beating cancer" part - I know it lurks there somewhere and that we who have gone to Stage 4 are never, ever out of the woods but I do like to think I'm beating it.

mind body spirit

Thanks to Andrea for the photo.

I just spent an inspiring (and I don't use that word lightly) week end at Body, Mind, Spirit, 2010: National Conference for Young Women Living with Breast Cancer.

My best parts:

A Friday afternoon workshop: "Take charge of Your Treatment for Women with Metastatic Breast Cancer" with Dr. Maureen Trudeau. Engaging, accessible, interesting, informative and hopeful.

A Saturday afternoon workshop: "Intimacy after Cancer: Rekindling the Flame" with Dr. Sally Kydd. Amusing, motivating, reassuring, helpful and just plain fun.

A Sunday morning workshop: "Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer. Support that Works" with Dr. Tzeporah Cohen. Emotional,moving, cathartic, uniting, strengthening.

Speakers who resonated: Deborah Dubenofsky (Ontario Region Board Chair, Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation) and Carol Ann Cole.

My takeaway message (from Dr. Natasha Zajmalowski, Dr. Rob Rutledge, Dr. Roanne Segal and others)-

When it comes to breast cancer recurrence, it appears that insulin is the root of all evil. Lowering insulin levels improves the odds for a long and healthy life. How to do this:

1. Get at least thirty-five minutes of moderate exercise every day. Hooray! Something I'm already doing right!

2. Maintain a healthy body weight. This has provided the kick in the pants to re-commit to dropping 44lbs by my 44th birthday. Weighing too little isn't good either but that's never been my problem.

3. Eliminate or reduce alcohol and sugar. The insulin explanation is the first one I've understood and accepted re the link between these yummy things and cancer recurrence. To be truthful, not being an "all or nothing" kind of person, I don't see myself promising to never consume booze or sweets again. I can't even say that I haven't partaken since the conference, this being the season of Hallowe'en and pumpkin ale. I can say that I will make a greater effort to hold out for the good stuff and not give in to cravings.

I'm happy to say that although this message was consistent, the speakers seemed to be devoid of judgment. No one was blaming the victim or telling cancer patients that they brought the cancer on themselves.

I still feel that there are greater environmental and medical issues that need to be addressed. But there are just so few things we can control as cancer patients that I appreciate straightforward advice and simple things I can do to increase my odds of being around to see my children grow up.

Thank you so much to the staff (especially Jenn McNeill of the CBCN) and volunteers (especially Andrew, a volunteer from Humber college who helped with my books, kept me company and was enormously supportive during and after my book signing) at the Canadian Breast Cancer Network and the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation for helping me to promote Not Done Yet, and especially for organizing an amazing conference.

Can we do it again next year, please?

haven't done this in a while

Haven't blown my own horn in at least a few weeks.

Alysa, who I met last year when she ran a wonderful workshop on writing your way through breast cancer (at the Living Beyond Breast Cancer conference for women living with metastatic breast cancer). I introduced myself and gave her my book.

Yesterday, Alysa emailed me to say that she'd written a review of my book for oncolink and that she thought it would make me smile.

It did.

happy news

I'm in Toronto for March Break and having a lovely time and have been online only intermittently. Yesterday afternoon, though, I got some surprising news that I wanted to share.

I found out yesterday that Not Done Yet is a finalist in the ForeWord Reviews 2009 Book of the Year Awards in the "autobiography/memoir" category.

"The finalists, representing 360 publishers, were selected from 1,400 entries in 60 categories. These books are examples of independent publishing at its best...

...ForeWord's Book of the Year Awards program was designed to discover distinctive books from independent publishers across a number of genres."

I feel very, very proud.

survivors' review

I have a guest post up at Survivors' Review, a wonderful blog that "encourages the creative expression of cancer survivors."

My piece, which is in the section called "Write Now!" is about my take on the importance of writing for cancer survivors and includes a few of my favourite (and completely unoriginal) writing prompts. And, I have to admit, that when I look at the list on the bottom of the page of former contributors to the column, I am tickled, well - tickled pink, I guess.

My book also tops the list in the Resources section of the Review.

I feel good about this. It's a nice thing to have happen at the end of a hard week.

writing your way through breast cancer

It's been two days since chemo, so I feel lousy and have the attention span of a gnat.

It works out well for me, therefore, that I have something I've been meaning to share with you all for a while now.

I really like the Philadelphia based organization Living Beyond Breast Cancer. I've been fortunate enough to attend two of their own conferences (one called "News You Can Use" and one specifically for women living with metastasis) and the Annual Conference For Young Women Affected By Breast Cancer, which they co-sponsor (last year's was in Dallas and I'm applying for a grant, in the hopes of being able to attend in Atlanta this year. It will be the 10 year anniversary of the conference).

A little while ago, LBBC contacted me to see if I would be willing to be interviewed for their Winter 2009/2010 newsletter about "writing your way through breast cancer." I didn't hesitate, as this is a subject about which I am passionate.

You can read the interview on their web site. I am also please to not that they have listed "Not Done Yet" under the heading "Creative Coping: 10 Publications To Motivate You."

worth 1,000 words

launching

I'm off to Toronto today to celebrate my book! If you're in town, come see me at the Toronto Women's Bookstore.

We'll have a little nosh, a little drink, I'll read from the book...I think it will be a nice evening.

Meanwhile, here's a link to a blog called "Incredible Women," where I am honoured to say that I am being featured today.

de-bunking the pink

"Three years ago, I saw a story on the news while I was at the gym. An investigative feature on the breast cancer awareness contributions that various corporations pledged during Breast Cancer Awareness Month found that most of these promotions led to increased sales and windfall profits that dwarfed the piddling donations that the extra sales generated. Until that moment, I was gung-ho about buying products marked with pink ribbons."

And so begins the best article I have ever read on the subject of the pink-washing of October (and not just because the author says you should all go out and buy my book). Suzanne Reisman hits all the bases in this piece and does it with eloquence and a sense of humour.

If you have ever struggled to understand why some of us object to pinxploitation (I just made that word up), your questions will be answered.

advice (with the benefit of hindsight)

Last week, the Centretown Buzz (an Ottawa community paper) asked me to write the article that "I wish I could have read when I was first diagnosed."

It's on the front page of this week's issue, and begins like this:

On December 1^st, 2005, I found a lump in my breast, as I was getting undressed. One month later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 38 years old, with two young kids and a very hectic life. I felt completely blind-sided.

Almost four years later, and with the benefit of hindsight, I share some advice for others who find themselves in my situation.

As I looked back on the last few years, the following key points best summarize my advice:

Bring someone with you to appointments, especially in the beginning.

Be your own advocate.

Be nice to the admin staff and nurses.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

Let others help you.

Never give up hope.

The entire article is online, so you can read it for yourself.

Let me know what you think. And if you've been there, please don't hesitate to share some of your hard-earned experience.

will you be there?

Just a reminder to anyone who lives in Toronto or anywhere nearby or who would like to visit Toronto that my book party (postponed in June because of the flu) has been re-scheduled for October 22, from 7-9 pm.

I have been washing my hands lots and lots so that this overdue celebration can happen.


Also, I have been getting lots of interesting comments and messages in answer to my post on internet community. It's not too late to jump into the discussion.