the latest

I wrote this in the form of a letter a few days ago. Doing so has been a huge relief to me. I know that it's not the same for everyone but expressing myself in this way has been both calming and freeing.

I have sent it already to family and to friends with whom I have been speaking. It helps a lot because we can start the discussion from here and I don't need to explain from the beginning each time. Or not talk about this stuff at all, in the knowledge that they know. 

It works for me.

You should also know that I learned all this on March 4th (and suspected before because of the symptoms I was having). The news was worse than I had hoped (of course) but I have had some time to absorb and, given that I have also turned the corner on the Cyber Knife am doing pretty well.

Most of the time.

March 20th, 2016

Dear family,

Hello all. I wanted to share an email with all of you, as I am unsure as to what information I have shared with whom and, as always, find it easier to do so in writing. 

I have just had my 5th tumour zapped. The first was in November 2012, the second in May 2015. Numbers 3 and 4 were in December of 2015 and are still there but stable. The most recent was on Tuesday, March 15. As you can tell from this, things have accelerated. I have been told by my radiation oncologist that I should not be surprised to see a new tumour every time I have an MRI (every 2-3 months) for the next while.

The tumours have also moved from the tissue in the brain to its lining and present as more of a "thickening". They're also closer together, which makes them harder to zap. Since tissue can only be radiated once, this means that we are running out of room for Cyber Knife.

There is unfortunately no drug that would address Her 2+ breast cancer in the brain that crosses the blood-brain barrier. There are some amazing breakthroughs on the horizon and we are hopeful that we can keep using CyberKnife for something to become a reality for me. We met with both oncologists on March 4, after what had already been a very hard day, so we still have many questions. I do feel like I am getting really good care and like both my oncologists a lot.

We saw my radiation oncologist again on March 15, right after my CyberKnife and he showed us the images of my brain and really took his time answering questions. My next appointment with my medical oncologist is May 4 but he has said that I am welcome to ask to come in and talk to him before then and I plan to do so.

The next step in the progression of my brain mets is something called "leptomeningeal metastasis" or "carcinomamatous meningitis" (they mean the same thing). This is when the cancer cells progress from brain tissue to the lining and then into the cerebral-spinal fluid. Please don't Google this. I did and found very dire info and didn't realize it was from 2005. Lots has changed since then for the better. It's not a good diagnosis but more hopeful than 15 years ago, for sure! I will include a fact sheet or two at the bottom of this message with more info. I already have some of the symptoms, including sporadic loss of sensation in my face (I call it "facial paralysis" as I feel increased pressure and then my jaw won't open. It can make talking a challenge, sometimes with funny results)

This is a pretty good fact sheet about brain metastasis: http://www.brainmetsbc.org/en/content/frequently-asked-questions-about-brain-metastasis

This one is addresses symptoms. I have the first 7 only: http://www.brainmetsbc.org/en/content/symptoms-and-diagnosis-0

On leptomeningeal metastasis:

http://www.brainmetsbc.org/en/content/leptomeningeal-metastases-1

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/cancers-in-general/cancer-questions/carcinomatous-meningitis

We are still hoping that I can look back on all of this in two years and feel relief and happiness that I am still well but we are also being realistic. I need to live in in this hope but also accept that I need to do so in the body I have for the time that it is left to me. This emotional fallout has been very hard to deal with but I have had some time (a couple of weeks anyway) and am moving towards acceptance (with lots of hope, not forgetting the hope).

In happier news, Daniel will be 13 in a few weeks and Sacha will be 18 soon after that! We have told Daniel that he doesn't need to make his decision yet whether to have a party (for his non-Barmitzvah) or a trip. We'll keep you posted. Meanwhile, we are thinking of a family vacation out west in the summer.

We have concert tickets to see Courtney Barnett for late May in Montreal with Sacha. He has been informed that he has to buy his mother a legally purchased beer. 

Having things to look forward to is making us all much happier these days.

Please feel free to ask any questions once you have read this over and absorbed but don't feel like you have to do so. I just wanted us all to be on the same page and to spare myself the difficulty of having to repeat myself.

With much love as always,

Laurie and Tim

inconclusive

Today's appointment did not work out as I had hoped, in that there weren't a lot of answers.

I was kind of hoping that I'd go in today, get the results from my test and talk about a plan of action for whatever is coming next.

It didn't work out that way.

I first saw a doctor who works with the oncologists. It wasn't my usual doctor and he had to be brought up to speed on where things are at with me. He was very thorough and very nice but I really wanted to feel like they were on top of things.

He had my CT scan and the attached report. There is still a spot on my liver and it's possible that it's a tiny bit bigger but they really can't tell if it's a new lesion or scar tissue. We'll just have to watch and wait.

My MRI reports were not ready.

They sent me for bloodwork, got in touch with the radiologist and that doctor looked at the MRI pictures with my radiation oncologist and medical oncologist, to see what could be determined that way.

The good news is that the spinal MRI was completely clear.

As for the brain MRI, apparently they took 1000 images and all have to waded through. The radiologist said orally that there is the possibility of a new tumour but he needs a bit more time. My oncologists say they didn't see anything they could recognize in the pictures we saw and that nothing is definitive.

It's even possible that the latest symptoms were caused by the Cyber Knife radiation, although there is not as much edema as they would expect if that were truly the case. The tumours that were zapped in December are still there but apparently that doesn't mean that the it didn't work, just that it's taking a while.

See what I mean? More questions. Few answers.

They were happy to have me take a little vacation and will see me when the reports are done, after I get back. The doctor said he'd arrange for an appointment "the week of February 27."

The cancer centre interpreted this as the week leading up to that date and now I have two appointments booked during the week that I am away. Seriously? It just can't ever be easy, it seems.

And I'm still on steroids, eating everything that isn't nailed down and otherwise revved up from the pills. 

only love

A couple of weekends ago, my family spent the day in Prince Edward County, celebrating my father-in-law's 75 birthday. It was a wonderful day and we were all pretty tired on the long drive home. 

Since the kids both had there headphones on, I started looking through my ipod for music I hadn't heard in a while. I decided I was in the mood for PEI's Lennie Gallant (did you know that practically every second person on the East side of PEI is named Gallant? It really is the name on every other mailbox).

As we listened, Tim and I remembered that one of our first dates was a Lennie Gallant concert at Artspace in Peterborough. I will never forget that evening. Lennie definitely has a special place in my heart.

As we listened, I remembered that, after I quit a job many years ago, I played a song of his over and over in my office. I even had the lyrics taped to my computer. For my last three weeks in the office, I listened to it many times a day.

I thought it was an angry song that I used to bolster myself through a difficult time. I couldn't recall what it was but as the first notes came through the speakers, I remembered.

And it went like this: 

"Only love will guide us through this time
As long as there's one flame
We have a lifeline"

I was so surprised and pleased to be reminded that, at at time when I was very angry, I was affirming to myself that love would get me through.

I wrote this post in my head that Saturday night in the car and then kind of forgot about it. But now, as emotions are running high around the Ontario election, I feel the need to remind myself what matters.

Love isn't the only thing we need to effect real change but it is the most necessary ingredient. We can't get anywhere without it.

housekeeping

I'm going to be offline all this week, so I schedule this post to fill you in on a couple of things.

You can now subscribe to this blog. Quite a few people have asked me about it and it actually just took a few minutes to set up. If you want to get my posts via email, look over at the right hand column on this page. Just under the "about me" section  is a little box in which you can enter your email address. If you do that, you'll be notified every time I write a new post. If you go that route, let me know if it works for you.

I recently found out that Not Done Yet is available as an ebook from a few different sources.

Amazon Kindle 
US
Canada
UK

Kobo

Nook

I also have a few copies in my attic, if you like old-fashioned paper. I bought them at the author's discount, which I'd be happy to pass along to you. I'll even sign your copy and write a personal message. The cost of a real honest-to-goodness paper book is $20.00, plus whatever it costs me to ship it to you. That's a break even deal for me but I'd like to see the last few copies get out into the world. Click on the image on the top, right hand side of this page to send me an email or leave me a message in the comments.

I'll be back next week!

makes me happy

As a way to ease myself out of my winter ennui, my therapist suggested I do some journalling about the things that make me happy. Some of those things are probably evident to anyone who knows me even a little:


Hanging out with my kids.


Laughing with my sweetie.


Watching my dog run in the snow.


Riding my bike.


Reading a good book.


Being in a yarn store with money to burn.




But when I dug a little deeper, I came up with some things that are a little less obvious:


The moments of real connection that can pass between friends and strangers.


Having a good idea.


Eating a healthy, tasty meal I've made myself.


Clicking the "Publish" button on a good blog post.


Getting positive feedback about my writing, especially from other writers.


Looking forward to a trip, whether near or far.


Texting with my BFF.


And, perhaps not surprisingly, it turns out that writing about what makes me happy...makes me happy.

love

photo: Mary Anne Register Folckomer

what i did on my november vacation

We just got back last night from our post Little Pink Houses of Hope road trip and I'm just too tired to put together very many coherent sentences. I'll write more later this week but I wanted to tell you all that my family had unbelievably fabulous time in Myrtle Beach.

Here are just some of the things I did:

Had my first Krispy Kreme donut.

Discovered real fried chicken and North and South Carolina barbecue and banana pudding.

Gained four pounds.

Spent time in the sun on the beach, walking, playing and just sitting around.

Enjoyed the glorious weather.

Learned how to hula dance and watched a man swallow fire.

Read 575 pages of a book and still have 1000 to go.

Went fishing without touching a pole and had a glorious time.

Blew off NaBloPoMo. I was having to good a time to waste it hunting down wifi.

Went to a concert with celebrity look-alikes who weren't dressed in drag.

Had my first manicure.

Dressed up to have my photo taken.

Played mini-golf.

Learned that southern hospitality is a wonderful thing.

Met many wonderful people.

Enjoyed my beautiful family.

Went for walks by myself.

Relaxed, unwound and chilled out.

Felt supported, cared for, spoiled and restored.

"Lived stronger. Loved harder. Laughed deeper."

I am so grateful to Jeanine, Melissa and all the wonderful volunteers, donors and families who make Little Pink Houses of Hope such a wonderful experience.

taking stock

(from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina)

16 hours of driving

31 hours on the road

countless new people

4 bedrooms, 3 baths

2 happy kids

1 bad sunburn

immeasurable kindness.

roadtrip connection

She made him in about 25 seconds.

I was getting breakfast at a hotel in Woodbrige, Virginia with Daniel at my side when an older woman came up to me and said, “You've got a busy guy there.”

I glanced over at my son, who was making pyramids out of the mini-cereal boxes and smiled. “I definitely do.”

“My grandson was just like that,” the other woman assured me. “And now he's on the national speedskating team. He kicked butt at his last competion.”

“That's great!” I said and meant it. I love these kinds of stories.

“So you, see,” the woman added. “It all works out in the end. His name is John-Henry,” she said proudly.

I promised to look him up, and I did. She wasn't kidding. He is kicking speedskating butt and things really have worked out that formerly “busy boy.”

outside the zone

In the nearly six years since my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I have become increasingly introverted. As a child, I was pretty outgoing. However, later in my teens and throughout adulthood I have developed a form of social anxiety that makes it easier to address a crowd of hundreds than to speak to a handful of new people at a social gathering.

I come by it honestly - anxiety disorders run in my family - but the structure of my day to day life hasn't helped. When I was going to an office every day, I had to interact with co-workers and new people every day - and (mostly) I enjoyed it.

I've always liked spending time on my own but these years of introspection have made it seem like more of a hurdle to confront social anxiety. I have a busy social life but I choose to spend time mostly with trusted friends, going places that are familiar to me.

I don't think there's too much wrong with that but I have seen how fears can make one's world smaller and deprive us of experiences that we might enjoy or, at the very least, that can teach or inspire us. I talk to my kids a lot about how everyone needs to strike a balance between doing things we know that we love and undertaking new challenges - about how confronting our fears is often the only way to make sure that our fears do not come to control our lives.

This year, I've been very inspired by my friend Andrea, who has taken it upon herself to do many things that take her outside her personal comfort zone. While she's danced and travelled and taken on public speaking, I've attended a conference, taken a job as an Elections Ontario officer for a day and now - my family is heading on an entirely new adventure.

This morning, we are pointing the car towards Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, on our way to take part in a week-long family vacation hosted by Little Pink Houses of Hope. We will be joined by 13 other families and every mother in the group will have been treated for breast cancer. The only mandatory group activities will be dinner on the first night and the last. In between, we will be in our own beach house and all group meals and activities (in the past, these have ranged from jewelry making to hang-gliding) during the week are optional. I'm very grateful for the opportunity and the generosity of the organizers but I'm also freaked right out.

It's going to be an experience. And, as Susan (aka the Bubbster) pointed out to me in an email, "The trip sounds wonderful and you'll all 'dine out' on the vacation for years to come. They'll be happy and funny stories, I know." 

In other words, great blog fodder. And most definitely, an interesting experience.

questions off the grid

 Last week, I spent several days in a cabin on a very quiet island in Northern Ontario. It was bliss.

We were also completely offline. No phone, no electricity, no internet. I didn't mind one bit but it did serve to underline how often I have come to rely on Mr. Google to provide information. Here are just a few of the questions that went unanswered:

What is the difference between NASCAR and Formula 1?

What is the weather forecast?

What is fracking?

How do I knit cables without making holes in my knitting?

Who bought the Body Shop?

Why does the carbon-monoxide detector keep going off?

What are the health benefits of okra?

What are the ingredients in sweet potato pie?

What dogs are in the high risk group for bloat?

Are coffee grounds good for the septic system?

Is there a specific person assigned to travel with the Stanley Cup?  (The internet has failed me on this one! One link said there are three Hall of Fame staff who travel with the Cup but when I clicked through to the the article itself, the info was not included).

going away

Later this morning, my dog and I are going off on an adventure.

We're taking the train to Toronto and then piling into a van with two big Labradors and one of the people I love the most in the world. We'll drive several hours in a northerly direction and then we'll take a boat to a quiet island.

For several days, we will eat, talk, walk, read, I will knit and we will talk some more (or at least the humans will. The dogs will join in the walking part and will do their own share of eating). We will be completely off the grid.

On Thursday, we will pack up our gear into the boat and reverse the process to travel home.

This is the second time we have done this (although the first time for Lucy, my Tibetan Terrier). Last year, I had been teetering on the edge of a depression and came home feeling restored. This year, I'm in a much better space and absolutely giddy with anticipation.

There are lots of potential challenges - last year the boat wouldn't start but we were able to find the home of the guy who rents some. Whatever, comes up, though, we will have each other and some good stories to tell.

See you on the other side.

where i've been

Update: I've decided that my habit of using initials instead of names makes some sentences confusing and nearly unreadable. Henceforth, I will use my discretion - and mostly use names.

Hey there.

March has been a busy month for our little household. And last week was March Break. We all drove to Toronto and then our oldest, Sacha, went to visit two of his parental grandparents in Florida. It was his first flight (other than a short hop between Toronto and Ottawa) on his own (and he's now too old to be an "unaccompanied minor"). 

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It seems that I'm not so great at multi-tasking these days. I have lots of blog posts in my head but before I write them, I thought I'd catch you up on what we've been up to since my last post.

On Saturday, March 12, I ran a bunch of errands and packed for our week away. We also went shopping for new clothes that my 7 year old could wear for a theatre date with his Grandma in Toronto.

He was very pleased with this outfit. The photo doesn't do him justice.

On Sunday, March 13, we drove to Toronto. That evening, Tim and I went out for a delicious Indian meal to celebrate our 20th anniversary (we celebrate the anniversary of our first date because our wedding anniversary is September 7. At that time of year, our lives are so busy. Besides, March needs a reason to celebrate). It's hard to believe it's been that long - and we still like each other.

I started my day on Monday, March 14 by lining up outside the Toronto office of Passport Canada, since we had realized the previous Friday (at 4:30) that our son's passport had expired (I can now safely confess this, as he has been and returned to Florida and you all can know that our parental ineptitude didn't lead to tragedy). I was second in line (well before dawn) behind a woman and her two young children from Northern Ontario who had been turned away from their flight to South Carolina the previous day (the woman's MP had assured her that her son could travel to the US on an expired passport. He could not). Her name was also Laurie and her boys were also five years apart. We bonded, as we stood on the pavement outside the passport building for 90 minutes.

Once the new passport was sorted, Tim and I took our youngest to the zoo (Sacha opted to go check out the  TIFF building with his Grandma). I didn't take any pictures but we had a great time. It's a sprawling place with animals that appear to be reasonably content. At least I hope so. Daniel was ecstatic. His favourite animals were the gorillas and the bats (no photos. I was too distracted and perhaps still groggy).

On Tuesday, March 15th, Tim drove Sacha to the airport in Toronto (I was happy not to go, since I was beside myself with anxiety) and then headed back to Ottawa to work (he was extremely patient with me as I texted him every forty-five minutes for updates).

I was happily distracted by the wonderful company of my friend Andrea We went out for brunch and then spent a few hours at the Purple Purl, one of my favourite places in the world. Andrea's spouse Patchen joined us for dinner and we three had a lovely meal. I was back at my Mom-in-Law's place before my seven year old who had spent the day with Grandma and gone to both a Second City kids' show and Billy Elliott.

On Wednesday, March 16, Daniel and I took the train to Guelph, where we hooked up with some cousins and went to the Butterfly Conservatory. Despite the heat in the building (I looked with envy at the folks who'd worn shorts), we had a great time. Besides the amazing butterflies (a gorgeous blue one landed on Daniel, to his great delight) there were many kinds of birds, fish and turtles.

Daniel and his young cousin Y. had some strong mutual admiration going on.

On Thursday, March 17, was primo cousin hanging out time. Daniel loved being the oldest cousin. Five year old N. (whose two older sisters were in Florida with Sacha) seemed equally pleased to have some boy time. 

I took the boys to see Mars Needs Moms in 3D (great animation, problematic movie) and then we went to a really great park. That evening, the boys entertained each other happily over dinner out (at Swiss Chalet - the pubs were packed with partiers dressed in green) and my brother-in-law and I had the chance to converse in complete sentences (my poor sister-in-law was at home recovering from a very bad case of food poisoning. She was more of a trooper that day than I would have been in her shoes).

On Friday, March 18, we returned to Toronto and I got to spend the afternoon and evening with my dear friend Leslie. We had lunch, browsed the Distillery District, went for a big walk along the Boardwalk and then had dinner at our favourite pub over pints. Meanwhile, Grandma took Daniel up the CN Tower and for a swim at the Y.

We took the train home on Saturday, March 19. We watched far too many episodes of The Magic School Bus  but not once did Daniel say, "How much longer?" or "Are we there yet?"

It was a very good week.

The last couple of days have been focused on re-entry - catching up with friends, going to appointments and making endless lists of things to do. As of this evening, Sacha is safely home. Tomorrow we can return to routine (bring on the fights about homework and cleaning up bedrooms). Whatever form it takes, a break from routine can be a very good thing.

happy new year!

In 2010, I:

Made soup.

Started running again and kept at it (in fact, I did the Resolution Run 5K last night before breaking into the wine and fondue).

Started editing my novel. It doesn't really have an ending yet but I don't totally hate what I've written, so that's a start.

Found a writing buddy.

Knit a lot of dish cloths.

Played lots of Scrabble/Lexulous

Had my heartbroken when my dog died.

Went to Florida in the in the summer to get away from a heat wave.

Spent some quality time with girlfriends.

Organized a team for the Run for the Cure, called No Pink for Profit. By run day, we were more than 40 women and we raised more than $20,000.

Fell in love with Twitter.

Finally got a smart phone.

Learned that grief is not a linear process.

Spent a lot of time thinking about community, friends and family. I am very, very lucky.

For 2011, I wish us all love, peace, good health and many wonderful adventures.

mind body spirit

Thanks to Andrea for the photo.

I just spent an inspiring (and I don't use that word lightly) week end at Body, Mind, Spirit, 2010: National Conference for Young Women Living with Breast Cancer.

My best parts:

A Friday afternoon workshop: "Take charge of Your Treatment for Women with Metastatic Breast Cancer" with Dr. Maureen Trudeau. Engaging, accessible, interesting, informative and hopeful.

A Saturday afternoon workshop: "Intimacy after Cancer: Rekindling the Flame" with Dr. Sally Kydd. Amusing, motivating, reassuring, helpful and just plain fun.

A Sunday morning workshop: "Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer. Support that Works" with Dr. Tzeporah Cohen. Emotional,moving, cathartic, uniting, strengthening.

Speakers who resonated: Deborah Dubenofsky (Ontario Region Board Chair, Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation) and Carol Ann Cole.

My takeaway message (from Dr. Natasha Zajmalowski, Dr. Rob Rutledge, Dr. Roanne Segal and others)-

When it comes to breast cancer recurrence, it appears that insulin is the root of all evil. Lowering insulin levels improves the odds for a long and healthy life. How to do this:

1. Get at least thirty-five minutes of moderate exercise every day. Hooray! Something I'm already doing right!

2. Maintain a healthy body weight. This has provided the kick in the pants to re-commit to dropping 44lbs by my 44th birthday. Weighing too little isn't good either but that's never been my problem.

3. Eliminate or reduce alcohol and sugar. The insulin explanation is the first one I've understood and accepted re the link between these yummy things and cancer recurrence. To be truthful, not being an "all or nothing" kind of person, I don't see myself promising to never consume booze or sweets again. I can't even say that I haven't partaken since the conference, this being the season of Hallowe'en and pumpkin ale. I can say that I will make a greater effort to hold out for the good stuff and not give in to cravings.

I'm happy to say that although this message was consistent, the speakers seemed to be devoid of judgment. No one was blaming the victim or telling cancer patients that they brought the cancer on themselves.

I still feel that there are greater environmental and medical issues that need to be addressed. But there are just so few things we can control as cancer patients that I appreciate straightforward advice and simple things I can do to increase my odds of being around to see my children grow up.

Thank you so much to the staff (especially Jenn McNeill of the CBCN) and volunteers (especially Andrew, a volunteer from Humber college who helped with my books, kept me company and was enormously supportive during and after my book signing) at the Canadian Breast Cancer Network and the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation for helping me to promote Not Done Yet, and especially for organizing an amazing conference.

Can we do it again next year, please?

"body, mind, spirit" a national conference for younger women affected by breast cancer

From the Canadian Breast Cancer Network:

Please circulate this to your network members, friends and family, we would love to see them there!

OTTAWA, Oct 1 /CNW/ - Today, October 1, is the start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and the Canadian Breast Cancer Network and co-presenter Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation will recognize the month with a unique networking event for 400 young women with breast cancer.

The National Conference, called "Body, Mind, Spirit", will offer young women with breast cancer the opportunity to network with others who understand their situation, find out about the latest research directly from some of Canada's bright young researchers, and follow theme sessions on issues everyone with breast cancer is confronted with.

Young women will have the chance to be supported in all aspects of their cancer journey. Theme sessions for the body include healthy living and prevention; for the mind, sessions on chemo brain, self-advocacy, medical research and the latest about breast cancer; for the spirit will touch on everything from Yoga sessions to a chance for a guided walk in a specially constructed Labyrinth for spiritual centering.

Participants can look forward to frank discussion and to be able to question experts about babies after breast cancer, breast reconstruction, what to tell your children about breast cancer and when, and intimacy and sexuality after breast cancer.

A writing workshop and a creative art session will aid self-expression, and book signings and a breast-cancer related art show will give participants a chance to create art, meet authors and to view theme art by people from all over Canada affected by breast cancer. Poster presentations will cover all that is new from breast cancer resources to community support groups. Author and breast cancer husband Mark Silver will interest many with his experiences and encouragement. .

The conference will feature two gala evenings; a "Dinner and a Movie" night presented by Rethink Breast Cancer, a special glimpse of their upcoming BreastFest with Jonna's Body, Please Hold and an appearance by filmmaker and comedian, Jonna who will present her Girl Manifesto - an uproarious look at our kooky notions of body image, defying the Image Police and freeing your inner renegade. Movie night food at a picnic in the park will feature everyone's favorite treats.

The second Gala will feature an Arabian Night with belly dancing, hand kohl painting, a blaze of color, special décor and treats for everyone present, a banquet as only the Hilton Hotel can produce, and special guest Rock Star Bif Naked who will share her breast cancer journey with her story "Rock Your Cancer".

Canada's own beacon of hope Carole Ann Cole, originator of the Comfort Heart symbol worn by hundreds of thousands, will be one of the speakers at an upbeat closing ceremony.

"Body, Mind, Spirit" takes place in Toronto, October 29-31. No registrations will be available on site for this conference, which is expected to sell out to 400 participants. A special hotel conference rate of $129 per night at the downtown Toronto Hilton will only apply to a block of rooms being held until October 8.

Registration is now open through www.cbcn.ca

I attended the first conference organized by the CBCN in 2007. It was an amazing experience. I'll be attending again this November (I am the fortunate recipient of a scholarship). Will you join me?

43 things (part three)

22. One day, when I was small, my aunt bought me a Buster Bar. Before I could eat it, it fell off the stick. She didn't buy me another one.

23 I had Dilly Bars instead of cake on my birthday this year. I ate two.

24. I also had a beer during the day on my birthday, something I consider very decadent. I usually only do this with my friends L. and K. (otherwise known as Sassymonkey).

25. The day after a social gathering, I spend a lot of time second guessing my behaviour, even when especially when I had a good time.

26. I feel guilty about something several times a day. Only recently did I discover that this is not a universal experience. I'm curious what it's like not to feel guilty.

27. My life in treatment is a constant tension between search for structure and then rebellion against self-imposed structures.

28. I have voted NDP in every provincial and federal election since I was old enough to vote (although I have sometimes done so while holding my nose).

29. This was the first year since 2007 that I didn't go to BlogHer. I'm OK with missing it (I had three great years there. The first was an amazing birthday present, the second I was a speaker and last year, I got to bring my book) but I'm a bit sad, especially since I finally feel like I figured out how to really enjoy the experience. There are lots of folks I would have liked to see (Average Jane and Nonlinear Girl were on a panel together. Whymommy was on a panel about blogs as an agent for change) and there are so many folks with whom I would like to spend more time.

30. When I was a teenager, I had a huge crush on the Cassidy brothers. I especially loved Shaun.

31. I was a hideously self-absorbed and narcissistic thirteen year old. It's amazing that my mother let me live.

seriously targeted marketing

living large

Chemo typically turns me into a horned, fanged, clawed she-devil for at least one day following treatment. Today is that day.

My head knows the mood will pass but boy am I pissy.

But I'm trying to re-commit to having something vaguely resembling content on this blog, so I thought I'd share a couple of shots taken in a parking lot outside a Sonny's restaurant in South Florida (we'd had lunch that day at my first ever Waffle House. We were on a greasy streak).



We had just come back from a day at Corkscrew Swamp and filled up on ribs and other good fried things and I think I was a little giddy.

Anyway, this car just called to me and I made the boys take photos.

airport vista 2