"Last night came thoughts about how dying of cancer is in some ways a kinder way to leave those you love behind. It gives those we love time to come to terms with our demise well before it happens. I have even had my Mum remark that she feels she has been grieving whilst I am still alive. One of my close friends has said the same thing, in a sense. She says she has grieved already, she knows it will continue in fits and starts and she is sure that when I do finally pass she will grieve again but I have noticed how people seem to come to terms with their loss whilst the person with the illness is still alive and with them. I believe this is because they can think about it, as horrid as it is to think about the world without that particular person in it, they can think about it while safely knowing that the person is within touching distance or a phone call away. Then it came to me how children may not get this option of slowly grieving whilst the person they love is still alive. I think because we tend to protect them and want to shelter them from anything painful but I believe in cases like this, we are making it harder on them when the person does actually pass."Jen needs to have a talk with her sons, one that I have often thought about. She is brave and strong and thoughtful and loves her boys passionately.
There was a time, not that long ago that I thought a similar conversation with my own boys was imminent. Jen's honesty is inspiring and I will think of her when my time comes.
But I grieve for her tonight.
Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.
6 comments:
You weren't the only one... I sat on the couch balling my eyes out while I read her post. We've all gone there in the dark of the night. Sadly, Jen must actually follow through with the conversation. My heart bleeds for her and her boys.
I bawled, too. So sad to have to even think about that conversation. This is when I really hate cancer. My thoughts are with her family.
I just bawled my eyes out, too. And my littlest is named Jack, so it punched me in the gut just a little bit harder. Heartbreaking it most certainly is. My heart really goes out to her and her family. So, so sad :(
I feel I have already grieved for my mother even though she is still with us. But I could never imagine what Jen is going through. So sad.
Sigh. I know this well, feeling grief even though my mother is not yet dead, just dying.
My Mum is grieving, too... with her ostrich head in the sand... Thank you for this post...It touched me... illness and imaging the loss of those you love is devastating. I am so pained by your situation...
Henriette xo
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