Friday, August 03, 2007

bittersweet milestone

In an hour, I will be forty.

The celebrating began in early July and I have been very, very spoiled.

Life is good and I have more reason for hope than I have had in a long time.

But I would be lying if I did not admit that this birthday is a bit tinged with sadness.

My life, at forty, does not look the way I thought it would. Cancer has irrevocably changed me and the choices I will make. My expectations and aspirations will never again be what they once were.

So, yes, I'm a little sad.

But I have, thus far, defied medical expectations and I am determined that I will continue to do so.

I have a beautiful family and a community of friends who have, in turn, exceeded my expectations of love and friendship.

I am feeling more creative, inspired and confident than I have since childhood.

And it feels like more good things are just around the corner.

I need to indulge this sadness, to give it voice, and as I write, it dissipates.

Tomorrow, we head to one of my favourite places in the world, where I will be reunited with my nine-year old, who I have not seen in almost two weeks (he has been hanging out with his cousins).

I have missed him more than he has missed me (which is as it should be) but I can't wait to hug him.

I think I am going to have a very good birthday.

I'll be off line for the next week or so. I have so much to share when I get back, half written posts inspired by my time at the BlogHer conference.

It's going to be a good year. I can feel it.

11 comments:

deb said...

Wishing you the best year ever. lots of love.

Manda2774 said...

Happy Birthday in an hour. We are also blessed to have you. I dont comment much but I have been following your journey and am always astonished at your strength.

amaras_mom said...

Happy birthday! Enjoy your time at the cottage...I wish you lots of hugs and tons of cake!

sassymonkey said...

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday sweetiepie!!!!

xox - H

Blondie said...

Happy Birthday!! I think every decade sends us into a tailspin about life, even when we aren't experiencing illness. It's the shock of leaving behind a decade. So bizarre. But you are an amazing woman, and you are fighting a good fight. You are going to have a FANTASTIC year. I just know it! Hug hug.

manda said...

I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

pocketina said...

heppy birthday, gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

Wishing you health and happiness this year. I understand many of your feelings. My 40th year was spend undergoing treatment for breast cancer.

I hope this year brings nothing but happiness and good things.

Love and hugs,

Deb Roa

Chris said...

Wishing You health and Happiness. Sent an email about myself, hope you got it.....

laurie said...

Chris! I didn't get an email from you. Please try again.