a hole in my memory

I went for an echo-cardiogram yesterday at one of the local hospitals, one that only does testing and day surgery.

My mother-in-law took me to a CT scan at the same hospital on December 21. I remember discussing with her how quiet this hospital was and how much it had changed since my son was born there in 1998 (when the hospital was less specialized).

When the technician asked, I told him I had been for an echo before, at the General Hospital (the one where most of my other tests have taken place and where the cancer centre is located) but I couldn't tell him when. He looked me up on the computer. I did go for an echo, on December 4, at that very hospital and he had been the technician who did it.

I remember none of it. The waiting room, reception, testing room, the test itself or even the hospital, none of it seemed remotely familiar to me. I know that my friend K. took me to the echo, but only because she returned my grey sweater a couple of weeks ago. I had noticed it was missing but have no recollection of leaving it in her car.

I vaguely remember driving with K. and mentioning that I was on morphine (which could be partially the cause of the hole in my memory) but nothing else. And, yes, I was on some heavy duty drugs but, mostly, I think it was the shock of hearing about and dealing with the diagnosis of metastasis and everything it means.

The human brain is really quite unfathomable.