Friday, September 12, 2008

circular

Am I freaked out because I can feel a stitch or am I feeling a stitch because I am freaked out anxious about my CT next week and what it might reveal?

Inside my head is not a fun place to be, today.

These are the facts:

  • Scarring causes tightness which can make me feel a bit of a stitch.
  • I have been exercising hard and felt nothing.
  • But as I type this, I feel a dull ache.
  • I cannot tell if my liver is swollen because I a have too much belly fat (and lymphedema) and an inadequate sense of my own anatomy.
  • If I press really hard, the area where I think my liver is, hurts. But if you press hard enough on any part of the body, it hurts.
CT scan and blood tests on September 16, right before chemo. I will have the blood tests back on the same day but must wait a few days for the CT results.

Until then, deep breaths, lots of positive distractions and more exercise (if the rain ever lets up).

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

Laurie, have you had any surgery in the area of your liver? I know I have a bit of necrotic fat on my tubby belly, and when I exercise it can be tender.

Or maybe you've been eating something that doesn't agree with you and your liver is working overtime to strain it out of your system?

And really, it's probably nothing. The CT scan will go quickly and smoothly, and remember, it's quieter then an MRI!

nonlineargirl said...

It is so hard to tell whether the fear comes from something being amiss or from some random and totally normal thing. I can totally relate to this feeling, and hope this twinge is due to the latter.

del said...

Laurie, I had the same experience while waiting for my last MRI of my liver. I had to wait 2.5 wks in between the scan and finding out the results, and during that time I had an ache in the area of my liver. And when I pressed on the area, it was a sharper pain. The ache would come and go, but sometimes it was quite noticeable. I was absolutely convinced that my mets had returned. Turns out my liver was still clear, no mets. My onc didn't know what the pain was. And shortly after, don't you know, the pain went away. So I don't know if it was a pulled muscle, or just psychological. But I still feel an ache every once in awhile (though not as consistently as before), maybe it is scar tissue? But it's brutal waiting, I hope you are able to quell the anxious feelings! Keep busy!

Lovebabz said...

OK get out of the mirror, stop touching it! Seriously...you touching it is making it sore. LOL!

Ok step into your fear then tuck it away until later. Make this "a not thinking about it" weekend.

Hhhmm what can be done on rainy days...NOTHING! CHILL-LAX!

Dee said...

Hi Laurie,
You know, it is really hard to know where the ache or the pain is coming from. I found out recently that I have three fractured ribs in the area that was radiated. My doc asked me if it was painful. My reply? "Yes, I've felt pain off and on in that area but I can't tell if it's from the fractured ribs, the lymphedema, or stretched tissue from the tissue expander (which is no longer there)." I mean, how do you differentiate what it is, especially since you've exercised, you have lymphedema, and your liver may be just a bit more fragile than it was previously and so eating some food that you don't usually eat may be causing it. Sometimes, when I eat too much candy or sweet stuff, I think I can feel my liver.

Here's hoping there's nothing there. It's good to get it checked. There have been several instances when I had something checked out - sorta insisted on it - and I'm glad that I did. Peace of mind is worth a lot.

For the moment, there isn't anything to do until you get the test results. So, put the worry on a back burner as much as possible and, as lovebabz said, "CHILL-lax". Love that phrase, BTW.