Monday, June 23, 2008

paradox


I am afflicted with my usual pre-chemo malaise.

And something else. I made it a goal this year to write as much as I could about cancer and living with mets and yet, today I am sick of being a cancer patient, sick of cancer and everything about it.

Achieving balance has always been a challenge for me.

My computer is sick today. The fan has died and it will only work for a few minutes at a time. Tomorrow it will go unto the shop (how realistic is it to think that I will get it back on the same day?).

Hopefully, by Wednesday, my computer and I will both be up to writing again.

5 comments:

Lovebabz said...

You know when I got over here andsaw that dog, I had to change computer screens! My children can smell a dog 100 yards out. And if thery were walking by they would want to know all baout this dog. Does he have a home, can they go see him, can we get one. HELL TO THE NO!

Hang in there baby. Your entitled to hate cancer. Just keep in mind I am meeting you at a bar in SF for cocktails...as many as you are allowed...me I can go all night! LOL!

Go easy baby and take care of you.

Dee said...

I agree - you're entitled to hate cancer. Maybe change your resolution to only write about cancer and mets when the mood strikes - don't put any expectations on yourself. Say you're going to write about something that makes you happy instead. It's your blog and you can do whatever you want to do.

I think for your other websites where you're writing pieces - maybe even bring up living a normal happy life instead of dwelling on cancer all the time - it's all part of the process of learning to live with cancer. Sometimes, it helps not to think about the GOD DAMN CRAP all the time. So, don't.

lahdeedah said...

Hey Laurie,

We are neighbors! I used to live in SF and now live on the peninsula. We also share a new hood (Mothers with Cancer).

And who said we have to always be the happy, grateful cancer patients? Screw that. Be angry. Be irritable. Be impatient. Be a dang human being.

And know that there are those of us who know what it feels like. You've got plenty of cranky company!

Jill

Rebecca said...

When I go to the doc and they ask the 20 questions, I always laugh when I asked if I'm depressed. Am I bummed I have cancer? Duh! Am I going to go out and kill myself? Nah! the cancer will do that eventually ;)

We can all get bored with cancer sometimes. I wish I was more interesting then just what is next in my treatment...

saraarts said...

Balance is just a moment between changes.