Tuesday, January 22, 2013

limbo

I haven't even mentioned yet that I had some CT scans last Friday morning. I guess the whole experience was overshadowed by the CyberKnife drama and it's after effects.

The scans themselves (done all at once but there were three) were a breeze. The technician got my vein (for injecting the contrast dye) on the first poke and all went smoothly. I'm an hold hand at these things and being nervous about the unknown of CyberKnife left me no room to worry about the scans. I was out of there in half an hour and promptly forgot about it, in favour of what loomed ahead.

Now though, five days later, I'm worrying. I had my thorax, abdomen and pelvis scanned. I have absolutely no reason - except history - to be worried. But it's nagging at me. 

What if my gut rats (that I've been blaming on CyberKnife) have something to do with this? (although I have no reason to believe that they would)

What if the swollen gland in my groin that I had back in the summer, meant more than having a cold? (although I've been reassured that it's nothing)

What if...? (you can fill in the blank)

I don't see my medical oncologist until February 6th but I can't wait until then for answers. I see my GP tomorrow (for a referral) and she always gets copies. Perhaps she'll be able to tell me something. 

If not, I'm calling the nurse who works with my oncologist on Thursday. She's given me answers before.

It's supposed to take a week for results. Thursday is almost a week later. It would be nice to be let off the hook of suspense.

I'd become quite blase about CT scans for a while. I didn't even care if I had them. The discovery of the brain tumour has certainly shaken my confidence.

14 comments:

Denise said...

The waiting... I can't imagine.

Hang in there, Laurie.

xo!

sassymonkey said...

Waiting sucks. I can't even imagine how much it sucks.

The Maven said...

I can't even imagine waiting for results like that. (((hugs))) I'm open for coffee in the next little while if you're interested. I'd happily take your mind off things for an hour or two by going on and on about myself :P

Jim's Girl said...

I share your scanxiety. A week after getting my results, I'm still trying to decide if I'm happy with "stable" mets. I much preferred it when they were shrinking. I hope you can get the results sooner than next month. Dr. g won't make you wait that long, surely.

Elana said...

Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs.

laurie said...

What a wonderful community I have. Thank you all so much. Maven: Let's make a plan.

And the term "scanxiety"? LOVE IT.

zoom said...

Waiting - and dreading - is the absolute worst. It's hard to keep your imagination from poking around in all those possibilities while you wait for results.

Just know there's a lot of people out here rooting for good news. xox

zoom said...

Waiting - and dreading - is the absolute worst. It's hard to keep your imagination from poking around in all those possibilities while you wait for results.

Just know there's a lot of people out here rooting for good news. xox

Lene said...

Limbo sucks. Keeping everything crossed.

Hannah Johansson said...

Oh dear! that's awful. But yeah I'm waiting for the good news too. One of my friends had the same 'scanxiety' (loved the new word lol! ) during her scan for Cancer few months back. But she is okay so you will be okay too. Prayers and hugs!!

Hannah Johansson said...

Oh dear! that's awful. But yeah I'm waiting for the good news too. One of my friends had the same 'scanxiety' (loved the new word lol! ) during her scan for Cancer few months back. But she is okay so you will be okay too. Prayers and hugs!!

laurie said...

I do feel very supported. Thanks to you all.

Nancy's Point said...

Just catching up on your posts. I'm so behind on reading stuff. Like everyone else said, waiting can be so hard. As for me personally, I don't generally mind waiting. When I'm in the no information zone, I feel sort of free. It's hard to explain. Guess I'm sort of weird like that. Anyway, I'm out here thinking of you, Laurie.

laurie said...

Nancy, I'm not good at waiting for ANYTHING, even the good stuff. I always want to know what's going to happen. It's not always good for me, and I see this habit in my oldest son (and how it inhibits his enjoyment of the moment) and I know it's not always good for me!
Today, though, I can't help myself. The doctor didn't have info yesterday, so today I called the nurse who works with my medical oncologist.