Saturday, May 21, 2011

has anybody seen my boob?

As anyone who has ever been to my house can attest, the place tends to be a total disaster pretty cluttered. We lose stuff all the time, only to find it months or even years later, after it's already been replaced.

But I have to admit that never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd find myself typing this sentence: 

I can't find my prosthetic breast.

We've actually been making some inroads in terms of beating back the clutter. But some rooms are getting worse before they get better. And our bedroom is complete tip.

Now admittedly, I don't wear my prosthesis all that often. But there are days when I want to fly below the radar. There are clothes that just look better when they're symmetrical. And I haven't seen my fake breast for weeks.

Could I have absent-mindedly stuck it in a drawer that I haven't checked?

Could it have become mixed up in the bags of clothing destined for donation?

Could it be under the mounds of clothes yet to be sorted?

Could I have left it somewhere?

It's a mystery.

If you find it, please let me know. 

Or just leave it in my mail box.

Update May 26: We found it! It was in a suitcase. In our bedroom. From a trip on which neither I nor the boob were in attendance. I think I took it off one night and too lazy tired to put it away, popped my bra with the boob still in it, in the open suitcase. Then, the suitcase was closed and left. Three weeks later, when my love finally unpacked - he found my prosthesis. Mystery solved.


Anonymous said...

In between sofa cushions? Have you checked there? I often find missing stuff in my winter coat pockets—but I find them mid-summer!

Good luck :)

laurie said...

It's kind of (ahem) big to be between the couch cushions and we have cleaned there recently. I'll check, though. It's not bulging out of a winter coat pocket...
Keep the suggestions coming!

Anonymous said...

How about in the bra you were wearing and may have thrown in the wash?? I've left socks in shoes, underwear in slacks, bras in tops, etc. etc.

B in T

laurie said...

well, the bra is missing too...

Anonymous said...

Do you need me to knit another or was this a "real" fake?

Ana Marie said...

have any kids been to your place lately... we were known to try on my aunts and she usually found it in a bra.. in her undie drawer

laurie said...

Ros: this was one of the funny, wobbly "real" ones. The one you knit me is too small at the moment. I've gained weight. The prosthetis is too small also but less dramatically so.
Anna Marie: My oldest reads the blog but I really should ask my youngest...hmmm...

Anonymous said...

Heh. you can have mine. still trying to figure out what to do with it.

Anonymous said...

I have a brand new $800.00 boobs (size B ,I believe...)with a bra which I am not able to use.
Would you like to have it? I can easily mail them to you, but would need your e-mail address or phone number to arrange it.

laurie said...

Kristina- that is very, very kind. I'm bigger than a B, though and I can get a new one through insurance. Hopefully, you can find a way to donate. I've often thought we should have a way to trade/donate boobs etc.

Lene Andersen said...

i laughed the whole way through this!