i want more

We've all been sick, these last couple of weeks. It seems that as soon as one virus leaves, another sweeps through. Or perhaps it's all the same bug. At the moment, I have a sinus infection that used to be a cold and my 10 year old has a fever that used to be an ear infection. We've been through a lot of facial tissue (my father worked for a subsidiary of Scott when I was a child. I try hard not to call them Kleenex).

I think that ill health is likely why the only resolution I've come up with is to check all our pockets before loading the washing machine. Raging head colds don't lend themselves to introspection.

But I have been thinking a lot about the kind of life I'd like to be leading and of the kind of change that's within my control. What it comes down to is that I want more. Not more stuff or more obligation, pressure, failure or shame. I want more love, more play, more laughter, music and creativity.

The tricky part is getting there. There are things I need to do to have more of what's good but I have to make sure I don't fall prey to what's bad. Exercise is great for me but instead of beating myself up for not racking up the minutes I've set as an arbitrary goal, I can go for a walk. Writing feeds my soul. Except when I'm stuck. Then, I can pick up my journal. Or my knitting. And if I get sucked down the rabbit hole that is the internet, well that's OK too. I can always do things differently tomorrow.

I think I'm trying to say that there is a corrollary to "I want more" and that's "Be nice to yourself." So I guess those are my resolutions for 2014. It hope it still makes sense when the cold dope wears off.




It was only after I'd drafted this post that I remembered that Lynn Miles said it before me and best.

This song is from the album "Downpour." I've bought it 5 times so far and you should too.