Friday, April 05, 2013


This is a treatment week and it's different every time. I get Herceptin over 90 minutes, Demerol to keep me from reacting to the Herceptin and Gravol (Dramamine in the US) to keep me from getting nauseated from the Demerol. Fun times (the actual infusion of Demerol can feel sort of fun. For a while). 

Afterwards, I never know how I'm going to feel. I've had doctors express surprise that I feel lousy after getting Herceptin, yet the nurses do not. I choose to believe that it affects me intensely for the same reason I reacted so strongly - because it's a drug that works for me.

Some rounds are pretty good, the last one was awful and this one has been somewhere in between. I feel worse today than yesterday. I haven't forced myself to exercise and perhaps that's the wrong thing. I did write a lot yesterday and was very productive in a sedentary way. Maybe I overdid it.

I'm always second-guessing myself. Sometimes, it's no fun being in my own head.

At any rate, I am tired and cranky. I've skipped yoga but I will get out of the house to meet a friend for coffee and then take Daniel to drum lessons.

I've been working my way through Julia Cameron's Walking in this World. While it's not as life changing of as my experience of the Artist's Way, there are lots of interesting bits.

Today I had to do a very well-timed exercise. I had to list 10 things that make me feel more grounded. I ended up with 11.

Here they are, in no particular order: 

1. Making lists.

2. Doing something with either of my kids, just for fun.

3. Hanging out with Leslie.

4. Reading a book and writing/talking about it.

5a Knitting.

5b Knitting with Karin and Deb.

6. Folding laundry.

7. Crossing things off my to-do list (see first item).

8. Taking a shower.

9. Journalling.

10. Burying my face in the crook of Tim's neck.

11. Going for a walk.

I feel more grounded already. Blogging must be my number 12.


Anonymous said...

Making a list of 10 things that ground me, that will be an exercise! Lately I feel so ungrounded that maybe that is the best thing to do. I hope you feel better soon.

Did you ever watch The Big Comfy Couch? It was a kids' show on CBC I think (back in the early 2000's). One scene I remember the most, and often think of to motivate me—which doesn't always happen!—is when she does her exercises. She said she made a commitment to herself to do it every single day, even when she didn't want to. Maybe I should put it into practice...


Jim's Girl said...

I didn't realize the Herceptin was so tough on you. I'm sorry. I'm coming to like the idea that it hurts when it's working. Maybe because I'm finding the Tamoxifen is nearly as bad as the Taxol was.

I am a list maker too. Thanks for the idea of making a list of what grounds me. I think that would be very useful for me... Particularly if I spend more time actually doing them.

laurie said...

I did find that making a list of things that make me feel grounded, helped to ground me tremendously.
And yes, some rounds are easier than others but the Herceptin is always hard on me. Kate if they think the Tamoxifen is working and you can tolerate it - then my line of thinking may apply to you as well. I know that Tamoxifen can be enormously helpful. I also know lots who've really struggled with the side effects. I hope it gets easier.