Thursday, June 02, 2016

limbo and dreams (updated)

I am still in limbo. My head is healed and I feel more like myself, except for some odd symptoms (my jaw is still freezing shut intermittently for a minute or so. It's so annoying. And embarrassing. It's not really something I can hide and it happens at the most awkward times).

I had my surgery on May 9. Everything said to me leading up to that implied that moving ahead was urgent. And yet here we are. I have a lot of faith in my medical team but this time information is not forthcoming and it's making me crazy. I can't plan a thing and I would just like some kind of information. I know I haven't fallen through the cracks. I would just like someone to explain to me where things are at.

I like information. It makes me feel in control.

So don't ask me when I will be having treatment because I don't know.

On another note, I had some strange dreams last week.

I dreamed that the area in which I lived was being flooded and I had to rush back and get a few things before all was washed away. When I arrived at home, though, the rain stopped, the sun came out and there was a brilliant blue sky. I didn't have to leave after all.

In another dream, a small furry mammal was hit somehow and fell to the ground, dead. In my dream it was a "possum" but it looked more like a groundhog. The body lay in the same spot throughout the dream and I would check on it periodically to see if it was still there. The last time I looked before waking, the animal jumped to its feet and bolted up a tree. After several days of lying still, it wasn't dead at all.

Deconstruct that. No so hard.

Now let's get some news, so I can follow my dreams.

Update: I finally have dates. I don't start for a couple of weeks. I asked why and was told that my oncologist said that it's "not urgent". I asked if this was because of the decent MRI and the nurse said she thought so. After the first date in June, I will go in weekly for a few weeks and then I guess we will re-visit the schedule.

I feel mostly relieved because I can plan my life a little. I just wish I didn't have these annoying symptoms that remind me what's happening.

9 comments:

Lene Andersen said...

Good dreams. Prophetic, dammit.

Catherine said...

The symptoms are like taps on the shoulder, with someone whispering 'cancer' - no? If only we could pause all that and just enjoy the summer!

Ahmad Khan said...

One of the finest hotels in this part of Sikkim, Hotel Central in Gangtok, is centrally located on the main promenade. With its scenic location, ethnic Tibetan ambience, excellent service and efficient staff Hotel Central will make it an unforgettable affair for PCSO Lotto Download Result.

Ahmad Khan said...

Distance learning education Mtech involves study in various disciplines like entertainment, education, research, National defense, Global security and trade and manufacturing PCSO Lotto Latest Result.

Ahmad Khan said...

Unlike other green card applications, the applicant need not go through the grind which in more cases are tedious and laborious. All the formalities are done away with the moment one's application gets selected for PCSO Latest Result the Green Card.

Ahmad Khan said...

As you move further up you will find an abundance of maples, magnolias chestnuts, birches, oaks, and alders. A further move in to the upper reaches of the Holiday to Himalayas would take you in to the coniferous zone with pine, cypresses, firs, juniper, and the state tree the Watch PCSO Online Result rhododendron.

Ahmad Khan said...

Enchey monastery: This sanctified monastery was worked amid the reign of Thutob Namgyal and is situated in the capital of Sikkim at Gangtok. Read more information about Watch PCSO Lottery Result

Ahmad Khan said...

By providing a professional support and assistance in helping clients to fill out their forms in the best way possible and submitting all the forms at the right time. By just visiting usafis.org, a person can learn exactly what the company does and the differences between using their service as opposed to doing the program Download Pcso Lotto Result.

Unknown said...

Sikkim does not have any of its own airport. The nearest airport in West Bengal Bagdogra (siligudi). The Sikkim capital Gangtok is located about 125 km away. Regular flights from Bagdogra to Delhi and Kolkata are Watch Pcso Lotto New Result.