Saturday, April 25, 2015

it's deja vu all over again

I've been struggling to write this post for the last couple of days. Two nights ago, a friend of my son's was saying that he finds it much easier to write when he's writing to someone. My spouse shared that he once had a university prof suggest that he get over writers' block by starting his essay as a letter.

To that end, I wrote an email to my loved ones today and, when it was done, I decided that it was clear enough to share here, as an open letter to anyone who reads this.

To: A whole bunch of people I love.

Subject: Surgery May 5. For real this time.

Hello all,

I saw my neurosurgeon on April 22 and he has decided that brain surgery is my best option right now. It's been scheduled for May 5.

The communication around all of this has been terrible (this is the same MRI that he said "looked better" a short while ago). From what I am able to understand (Tim, feel free to jump in here), Dr S (the neurosurgeon) took the images to a different radiologist who he trusts after feeling that he was getting inconsistent information. The two of them decided that it makes sense to take action.

I now have 3 spots on my brain: the mass on the site of the original tumour, a tiny spot deeper in the cerebellum and a new one, close but not attached to the original site (this is the one that is really of greatest concern). From my reading of the MRI reports, this one is either on or very near the lining of the brain.

On May 5, the surgeon is going to attempt to completely remove all spots and then biopsy them. While there is slightly higher risk of complications this time around, the recovery time will likely be a bit better than last, if all goes well.

The lousy way this has played out means that my fantastic plans for this spring have been scuttled. I'm still trying to figure out how much (no bike trip 3 weeks after brain surgery...) and to figure out how to organize our lives so that things go as smoothly as possible.

The kids know as of last night (didn't want to tell Daniel on his birthday) and they are amazing young men. Truly. And Tim - I actually don't have words - is beyond patient, loving and supportive. This is so hard on these guys but they are very good to me.

My pre-surgery MRI is on April 27. I have treatment April 28 and my pre-op appointment on April 30. If memory serves (and there is much I don't remember about last time, including the entire first season of "The Good Wife" I watched in recovery), I won't find out the time of my surgery on May 5 until the day before.

I think you know everything that I do, now. Please, please forgive the group email. It is so much easier to get this out once. I'm stressed but in a reasonably good place and happy to try and answer questions or just chat.

Thanks and with much love,
Laurie

p.s.: It's actually a nice feeling to need to send out a group email. I have so much support. It's good to remember that.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wish I knew which words were best. So many float around my mind and I want to blurt them all out but question what is right.

So, I'm a do-er. What can people from a distance do for you and your family?

Honestly, I feel like hoping in my car and driving up to see you for a cup of tea and knitting—although I've only knitted soles of slippers turned dish rags. But I also know this time is most precious with your family.

Hugs galore being sent to you.

~Virginia @furrypad

Carolyn Frayn said...

I'm so glad that you have the support you do, from your family, and from others whom you love. My love, to you, from the other side of our country...

Teresa Healy said...

Dear Laurie, dragon sister. I'm just sending you so much love xoxoxo t

laurie said...

Thanks, you three. xo

ila dubey dhulipala said...

Dear Laurie, a big tight hug!! You (and your amazing family) are in my thoughts. Hope all goes well and you have some more memorable tv episodes lined up to watch during recovery...

ila dubey dhulipala said...

Dear Laurie, a big tight hug!! You (and your amazing family) are in my thoughts. Hope all goes well and you have some more memorable tv episodes lined up to watch during recovery...

ila dubey dhulipala said...

Dear Laurie, a big tight hug!! You (and your amazing family) are in my thoughts. Hope all goes well and you have some more memorable tv episodes lined up to watch during recovery...

Melanie said...

And you had all of that on your mind when I saw you and Tim at the dog park? You crazy strong woman! Sending you and your boys much love. xox

laurie said...

Melanie, I was so nice to see you! we didn't feel like talking about it there, especially when we hadn't yet told the kids. It was very fresh news...and the dog park was such a nice distraction.
Thanks, Ila - I feel the love coming all the way from India!

Ellen Long said...

Hi Laurie, Gee, I'm sorry to hear that you've got to deal with this again. Holding you in my heart and sending love, peace and strength. And hey, maybe make a "mini-plan" to replace each big one that you have to cancel. Love to you, Tim, Sascha and Daniel.

Ann said...

You have always been a role model, in all the difficult situations you have faced, and so positive too.
This positivety will carry you through again. Hang on in there.
Sending love and positive vibes from the UK.

MGK said...

Laurie, we're all hoping for the best for you, and waiting to hear favourable reports...

Mel said...

Laurie:
As usual I am in awe of your courage and openness.

Anonymous said...

Sending good vibes your way xoxoxo
Sylvia

Chris said...

Damn. That is the pits. But as ever I am in awe of your courage, excited to hear of the support you have around you, and convinced of the inevitability of a positive outcome.

And like always you have my admiration and support, comrade.

Anonymous said...

I am sending you my support from Costa Rica, Laurie. I hope everything goes as smooth as it possibly can. Love to you and your family. Hugs! Meritxell S.

Sweet Camden Lass said...

Hugs and love from the other side of the Atlantic.

laurie said...

Thanks so much to all of you! It means a great to deal to me and to my family.

Catherine said...

Hugs, hugs, hugs, and hugs. And hugs again. I missed you at Blog Out Loud. Thinking of you, Laurie and wishing you awesome results.

Catherine